Aghast

I was looking at my cache of posts and decided to count all of the drafts. When it looked like it would approach 50, I gave up. I cannot tell you how many times I sit down to write and one of several things happens:

1. Boy Number 2 runs out of his room and growls in an attempt to scary me, thereby alerting me to the fact that he is awake, which means that all my attention is due him.

Sidenote: My younger two are suffering from attachment issues. They are SO clinging and demanding. And there is simply no reason for it. I am working on training them to play by themselves, but it’s a long process that, frankly, looks impossible. Anywhere I am, they want to be. Our living space is about 800 square feet and it is driving me bonkers that they both want my 3 feet of space, all. the. time.

2. I look at the time and realize that I better get in gear and do what really needs to get done. And let’s face it, for a homeschool mom of four, blogging is not always a necessity.

3. I re-read something that I have written and think that it would probably do for inducing sleep.

4. I re-read something I have written and think how much hot water it could potentially get me into.

I would say that number 4 is usually the winner. I am so bad at being nice. I see or hear of something done that is totally contrary to biblical principals and suddenly my brain is going a million miles an hour, composing a ranting post. And I think…”is this the way to go about dealing with this?” Am I setting myself up as an authority? Ugh and double ugh. So I have decided to fall back on the biblical mandate for this and all things in my life, that is my husband’s view in this matter. Guess what? He actually does not mind if I express my thoughts on things controversial. (*most of the time*. There have actually been times when he has asked me not to blog about something, and I didn’t)

Then, I read Dan’s post on blogging. Loved it. I am a writer and have been from the time I was about 9. I remember being in 4th grade and I wrote a serial story that my teacher would have me read to the class every week. When I was in 6th grade it was my grand goal to become a journalist. Then in the 9th grade is was my grand goal to become a political journalist. Yup, I love to write. Almost as much as I love to read. And I need to get back to both of those activities.

Although I don’t have a ton of time for actually sitting down to read, I have been listening to a great many audio books. This would be thanks to my walkman. I love that thing! I can download books that I checkout from out regional library site which offers a ton of audio books. I am currently listening to a series by Anthony Trollope. He is such a fascinating author, and particularly in this series as he deals with the church of England and what a disaster it was. Really a political system with no true religion involved.

In some ways, I feel that is what the American “church” has become. Only instead of our goal being to offer jobs (“livings”) to men of rank, it sees it’s job as to make everyone feel really, really good about themselves. To tickle that emotional side that we all have with creative illustrations or moving stories. We had one pastor that we could always tell was approaching the end of his sermon when he whipped out the tear jerker story. Really.

Emotional wrangling is seen as virtuous. If you can get a crowd worked up, then you are the bomb. (This, by the way, is a phrase that drives my 10 year old nuts. We have studied both World Wars and he simply cannot accept that word as a good thing.) We want to present God as someone/something “cool”. Do you want to be part of the hip crowd? Get saved and you can be popular! That’s right. Tons of friends, while feeling like The Fonz. Without all the women, of course. I am so tired of preachers/lay people trying to convince people that being a Christian is cool. Seriously, you have got to be kidding me. When I ponder as to why they do this, I come to the conclusion that they must have been part of the nerdy group back in high school and want to have that feeling of being part of the “in” crowd. Lame, with a capital L.

See? I told you I wrote stuff that would get me in trouble. And I haven’t even touched the subject that has been dancing around in my brain for weeks. That would be the way that we over estimate our importance in God’s plans being accomplished. I heard that same pastor that I mentioned above say that it grieved him to think of the hundreds, maybe thousands of people that would be in hell because that he failed to witness to them.

um…WHAT?!?

Yeah. That’s right, your salvation isn’t dependent on anything you do, but the salvation of others? Totally up to your obedience and willingness to share the Four Spiritual Laws in five minutes in the Washington Dulles International Airport. While we are at it, let’s go ahead and change the words of that beloved hymn:

Without me, He could do nothing
Without me, He’s surely fail

Absurd, right? And yet, how many Christians live their life with the emphasis of “sharing their faith” instead of the true biblical mandate, that is our sanctification. Being transformed into His image.

Taking on God’s responsibilities is not only arrogant, it’s a joy killer. It saps your energy and drains you dry. Suddenly your importance is this universe is so huge, that one misstep by you and it’s Armageddon. And let’s be honest, we have numerous missteps in even one hour. Yikes!

You are not God. I am not God.

There is only one God. He is omnipotent, omniscient, holy and righteous. He alone is capable of accomplishing what He has planned. He doesn’t need you. He doesn’t need me. His will, will be accomplished no matter what. That does not incline me to lazy. No way! Rather, it makes obedience to His Word a joyful thing! That He would allow me to be part of His plan? Wow. and Wow again.

Isaiah 46:10-11

10 Declaring the end from the beginning,
And from ancient times things that are not yet done,
Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,
And I will do all My pleasure,’
11 Calling a bird of prey from the east,
The man who executes My counsel, from a far country.
Indeed I have spoken it;
I will also bring it to pass.
I have purposed it;
I will also do it.

I am so incredibly thankful that I am not God. I praise Him. My God and my salvation. Who loved me while I was yet a sinner. Yes, indeed.

~Annemarie

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